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It is almost December. There are times when I feel like this year has been zipping by...and yet when I reflect on the past year, I cannot help but be amazed at all that has transpired. It has been a good year. Good doesn't mean easy. I definitely would not use that as a descriptive word for 2011. But in the end, through all we have walked...and continue to walk in...it has been good.
How can I say that? I don't know exactly. I mean, I can hypothesize why but to summarize - without the over-analysis, it probably has much to do with perspective.
When I was selecting photos for our Christmas cards, I was surprised by how few I had the first quarter of the year. Then I softly chided myself, reminded of why. There was so little time to take photos. That was the last thing that was on my mind. Our schedule was filled with taking care of Mom and Dad. Daily visits to the hospital and then the in-patient care facility for Mom. Doctor's appointments and then treatment for Dad. Therapy and follow-up appointments for Mom. When I think of all that we did in those first four months, it is almost overwhelming. Thankfully, this was shared with Promises and our husbands helped out tremendously on the home front as well as the grace they had for us personally. Today it seems like forever ago...especially when we see how Mom's health has been miraculously restored. What a joy it is to just visit Mom and Dad and chat over a cup of coffee because we want to...not because we have to.
This summer was the most enjoyable summer for me in years. I don't know why exactly. Was it the ages of the boys and their new levels of maturity? Maybe it was the relief of all we walked through in the beginning of the year? I cannot pinpoint any one thing or reason but this I know...I remember that each and every day was lived intentionally. Almost like breathing deeply and wanting to remember every single detail. Now that doesn't mean that the boys didn't have spats or that there was nothing to pray about because everything with everyone I know and love was perfectly fine. Nope. That stuff still went on and there has been plenty to pray about BUT the general feeling from this summer was good.
Jeter started middle school and Barber was on his own in the elementary school when fall arrived. What a transition that has been! And yet, even that I can look at and a sense of goodness surrounds me. I see growing independence in the boys. Their friendship has even increased over the past number of months - maybe because they have had time apart / their own space? I continue to enjoy all the new things that they are growing in and the young men they are. I truly feel blessed daily...so thankful that I GET to be their mom. Granted I could list all the not-so-fun things about being mom (laundry, cleaning up messes, reminding them of what to do and when, laundry, dishes, appointments, schedules, laundry) but really, when it comes down to brass tax (my Dad would love that I used that phrase in this post) I cannot complain. Rather, I count it a privilege to do those things. For one, I am able to do it. And another - it is only for a short time in the grand scheme of things. Besides I also get to cook and bake with them, help them with their homework, read to them and discuss what they have read, pray with them and still even get some snuggle time to boot.
We are now entering the winter portion of the year. I remind my Mom to make sure she gets the rest she needs and doesn't allow her immune system to get run down. We definitely do NOT want to repeat last year. Praising God for seeing us through that time does not mean we are ready for or desire a repeat. That reminder to her is also applied to my life. Perusing my ever ambitious "to do" list and selecting what is appropriate for me to accomplish each day. This is most likely why my posting has been on the back burner. Sitting and typing tends to be viewed as a luxury by me...one that I don't always give to myself. But I felt the freedom to do so again so here I am today and maybe I'll be here again tomorrow...or later this week.
One final thought on reflection. It is often defined as careful consideration of something or a period of time. That is what I was thinking when I first titled this post. While writing, I was reminded that reflection also refers to what you see in the mirror and how I desire my life to be a reflection of the One that has changed it forever. My hope is that through the steps I have walked, my actions and words reflect His love...regardless of what I was walking through. As I continue to take the steps on this journey called life, that continues to be my hearts desire.
I am not skilled to understand what God has willed, what God has planned.
I only know at His right hand, stands one who is my Savior.
I take Him at His word and deed. Christ died to save me, this I read.
And in my heart I find a need of Him to be my Savior.
That He would leave His place on high and come for sinful man to die.
You count it strange, so once did I before I knew my Savior.
My Savior loves, my Savior lives, my Savior's always there for me.
My God he was, my God he is, my God is always gonna be
Yes, living, dying, let me bring my strength, my solace from this spring.
That He who lives to be my King, once died to be my Savior.
That He would leave His place on high, and come for sinful man to die.
You count it strange, so once did I before I knew my Savior.
My Savior lives, my Savior loves, my Savior lives, my Savior loves, my Savior lives.
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