tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6789491324763361202024-03-19T01:00:22.119-04:00Campbell CrewIntentionally Living a Balanced LifeMrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.comBlogger77125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-71818891534726878782019-09-22T14:47:00.000-04:002019-09-22T15:10:46.084-04:00Relationship SuspendedIt's been a little over 6 years since my Dad left this earth.<br />
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I recently had a friend whose mom left this earth - very close to the passing of my Dad, just years later. My mom's youngest sister departed as well this summer. Not that it matters necessarily but all of these individuals battled forms of cancer. I really despise cancer.<br />
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Aside from that, whenever a friend or family member experiences this gut-wrenching loss, I find I have nothing of value to say. I desperately don't want to appear insensitive at a time when a person I love is experiencing hypersensitive emotions at depths that were previously unimaginable but I also am not very good at concocting lifeless words.<br />
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Six years ago people tried to say the right things - how he was in a better place and he was no longer in pain. They said it in person or mailed cards and I know the heart in which their message was delivered was in a good place and it's not like I didn't believe the messages were untrue. But if I'm being honest - for me these words did nothing. They felt lifeless and more often than not, I became annoyed and/or irritated.<br />
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I've pondered why. I am not sure I have the answer but I suspect it may be because no one addressed the pain that his passing catalyzed in my life and in the lives of all who loved him and who were loved by him. It felt like an attempt was being made to apply a band-aid to cover up the ugliness that was brewing inside my soul. Applying a bandage without addressing the infection is simply a recipe for disaster and I often felt like I was in the middle of a tropical storm. There were times I chose to play along (at times this seemed easier) and assumed the role of sucking it up so I wouldn't cause others to feel uncomfortable with my grief. But that's just it - it was my grief and somehow I had to process it. I knew if I didn't figure this out, it would both consume and destroy me - leaving a wake of yuck. I wouldn't say I'm at the finish line of this - just processing life as it comes.<br />
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Time would heal. That was another statement that was offered to provide a semblance of hope and maybe stave off despair. While time has provided a balm of sorts to the pain, it alone cannot conquer grief. One of the greatest gifts I received was from the few who acknowledged my grief and didn't shame me for it or just expect me to get on with life in the timing that others may deem appropriate. These individuals demonstration the truth of Romans 12:15 and they were my lifeline.<br />
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<b><i>Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.</i></b></div>
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Recently I've been asking myself why I am still experiencing difficult moments - missing dad and wishing he was here to talk to. Sometimes I have had audible one-sided conversations "with" him. Processing life so to speak.</div>
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I've made the statement that it seems unfair that because I was blessed to experience great love and friendship that the loss felt is proportionally great. Philosophically then, if we want to avoid personal pain, we should avoid depth in relationships. I do NOT advocate this at all because I believe there is tremendous value in relationships and we yearn for meaningful connections. </div>
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During one of my mental-pondering sessions I heard "your relationship has been suspended". What does that even mean? I wasn't quite sure but it was starting to make sense to me - inside of me. Missing Dad wasn't simply due to his lack of presence but more because a pause button was hit on our relationship. Some might see it as a stop button. But life wasn't paused and in fact there were times it felt like it was marching forward even when I wasn't ready to move, threatening to steamroll me. In truth, life in this realm has continued on without him. Currently I choose daily to be part of it and not begrudgingly - to live intentionally with my family and friends. Relationships have grown, deepened, and changed but not my relationship with Dad. He is only present with me through my memories and those memories include less and less of my current reality. I make him a part of life in the here and now by "seeing" him in my boys or talking about how he'd enjoy what we were doing or we imagine what he'd say / do if he were here. And while that puts a temporary smile on my face, it doesn't take away the fact that he is absent which then threatens the eruption of tears.</div>
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I don't have the keys to a solution. I still don't have the words to make things better for those that start this painful journey. This recognition of why I still tear or choke up doesn't take that away. But for me, another layer of understanding the "why" brings with it a little more healing and allows me to move forward another step.</div>
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And while I don't love that a pause button has been hit, I have no desire to hit the fast-forward button.</div>
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I'll continue to ask questions and be introspective. This helps me and keeps me from getting stuck because there are still many relationships that are growing deeper. Life has too much to offer and Dad wouldn't want me to miss a single second.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So many milestones have been achieved since you've been gone. Good news is that there are many more to come!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My Dad - he will always be one of my bff's.</td></tr>
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Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-37762506084384193612019-09-21T20:42:00.000-04:002019-09-21T20:58:28.950-04:00Living Change<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i>"If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we aren't really living."</i></b> Gail Sheehy</div>
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Change. It is often resisted and yet it is the one constant in life.<br />
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Seasons. People. Schedules. Relationships.<br />
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I guess you could say I have been on a writing hiatus. At least writing for me. I've written curriculum and lesson plans - in multiple formats the last few years. Which brings me to another change. I returned to the classroom. Part time initially but am starting my third year full time. The return has provided a new set of challenges each and every year - for reasons outside of my control - but overall it has been a good change.<br />
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J is in his freshman year of college. How did that happen?! Truly surreal. We "blinked" and our babe turned toddler and next thing we knew, our "little man" was standing before us fully grown. This is a HUGE change that catalyzed this season of him navigating new responsibilities and freedoms of adulthood while still being financially dependent on us (and hopefully still liking to be around us some of the time).<br />
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Thankful B still has a few more years home. Cherishing the time with him. This summer he blew past me in height and his voice has been cracking as it takes on a deeper tone. He still gives me a hug and sometimes a kiss good-bye or good-night. If he only knew how much those little actions bless this momma's heart.<br />
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Chessie won't be leaving us anytime soon. Don't remember her? Of course not - she is our English lab whose presence has deepened the wells of love that exist in our family. That said, she brought SO MUCH change in the past 2+ years.<br />
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We celebrated our 25th Anniversary this year and my mom celebrated her 80th birthday!<br />
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<b><i>"For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to harvest. A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance. A time to scatter stones ad a time to gather stones. A time to embrace and a time to turn away. A time to search and a time to quit searching. A time to keep and a time to throw away. A time to tear and a time to mend. A time to be quiet and a time to speak. A time to love and a time to hate. A time for war and a time for peace."</i></b> Ecclesiastes 3:1-8</div>
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<br />Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-43728096097642299782015-10-03T14:45:00.001-04:002015-10-03T14:45:16.792-04:00Birthday BlessingsToday is my birthday and it's a good one. Not that birthday's are "bad" but the last two years they have been a bit tough. In 2013, it was a little too close to my Dad's departure to heaven to really feel happy. It was difficult to smile - especially on the inside. 2014 was better but life still felt askew. <div>
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This year is different. It isn't because I miss my Dad any less. That isn't true at all. It's just that the pain which seemed to be ever-present, isn't dominant anymore. My eyes might tear up when I'm 'remembering when...' but it's usually paired with a smile now. Even on the inside.</div>
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And today has been filled with smiles and making memories with those that fill my life and heart with love. Waking up to texts from my 'besties' and receiving those special messages from family and friends means a lot.</div>
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Quality not quantity.</div>
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That truly is my heart. My little man, B was determined to make me breakfast in bed. With his Dad's help, he prepared me eggs, sausage, bagel and coffee. He has such a servants heart that desires to bless others. That coupled with his hugs and kisses is the BEST way to begin my day.</div>
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My teenager, J, slept in (he is a teen!) but he too blessed me in his own way - mainly a hug that I now feel lost in since he's grown 8 inches this past year and towers over me. He and his Dad have spent many hours today moving wires and furniture around in the basement. Bringing substance to what I envision our basement to be. It will not be finished but it's a start. And their sacrifice of time is a HUGE gift to me.</div>
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I've had the luxury of time to spend on items that have been on the back burner...making blends of essential oils with carrier oils for our families use, and finally making a batch of my whipped body butter. With the drop in temperature, I know my skin will be grateful. Sounds like work but no, this too is a gift I gave to myself. I took a break from my classwork, laundry, menu planning, etc and allowed myself the luxury of a few hours.</div>
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In a few hours, the tasks we've filled our hours with will cease. We will be getting ready for a lovely dinner together and a show that is my love's surprise to us all. </div>
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Time together. That is the greatest gift of all. </div>
Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-52867881169764259872014-09-02T21:29:00.001-04:002014-09-02T22:04:14.512-04:00ReflectionsOne year.<br />
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Today is September 2nd.<br />
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Last year that was the last day I had with my Dad.<br />
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In a single breath, I can see myself sitting by his bed. Holding his hand. Trying to commit every detail to memory. Because I knew it wouldn't be long. I heard the change in his breathing throughout the day. I knew he was going home to be with Jesus soon. He was ready. He was at peace.<br />
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I was...well, I don't really know what word describes how I was. I was choosing to trust God no matter what. I was not oblivious to Dad's decline in health but I didn't want to say "good-bye". I knew that God could heal him this side of heaven in a blink of an eye but I didn't know if that was part of His plan.<br />
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That morning I had my last real conversation with my Daddy.<br />
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Holding his hand, looking into his eyes, I said "I love you". I don't think it's possible to count how many times I spoke those words to him throughout my life. A trillion bazillion would still not be enough.<br />
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He replied "I love you too" and then added "I have to tell you something. I'm going to die."<br />
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Holding back tears, I said "I know." and then added "No matter what happens on Earth, you will live forever because you are one of God's children and you are united with Christ". I then continued to speak the truths of Ephesians 1 over him.<br />
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Later that night I broke down. I guess it was time. Time to tell him "thank you" again for being the best Dad / friend / confidant / etc. Telling him how much the simple gesture of holding his hand meant to me and all that it represented - the safety, protection, love, comfort... Reminding him how much I loved his hugs and embrace and how I was incredibly blessed that God chose to give me him as my Dad.<br />
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None of it was new. There were many times that I shared these sentiments with him before - in person, written in cards, talking over coffee, talking on the phone... But this time was different. And I had held out as long as I could. I didn't want it to be the last time for me to say and share all of these things with him. The last time to express my heart and love to him. But I also didn't want to miss it.<br />
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Live life without regret. I still remember making that declaration over my life after one of the many conversations Dad and I had during my teen years.<br />
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I continue to live with that as my mindset. I've added living intentionally to it as well. That doesn't mean every day goes as planned. It's doesn't. Clearly. No one plans to deal with grief and missing a loved one. But if that's what is on my plate for that day, I'm going to do it. No one plans on spilling a glass of milk (or coffee). But if it spills, you clean it up and then move on or continue doing whatever it was you were doing before it spilled. There were some days where it seemed like all I did was "wipe up the spilled milk". All. Day. Long. But apparently that was on my plate that day. And I haven't experienced a day like that for quite some time.<br />
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I didn't know what today would bring. I wouldn't have minded just getting through the day without tears (or spilled milk) and I could have determined to not deal with it. To just suppress the emotions and push past the day. But that's not how I live. Instead I've journaled, cried, and owned my feelings.<br />
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I also don't think it's happenstance that this song is the one I've been singing all day. You Make Me Brave by Bethel. He still ministers to me through music. I'm grateful for it.<br />
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Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-9970603737919487152014-01-18T10:31:00.002-05:002014-01-18T10:37:00.000-05:00Evolving from Grayscale to Full Color2014 has begun. New year. New beginnings.<br />
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I haven't written here for awhile. It isn't that I haven't been processing but the thought of putting it all into words seemed haphazard with an extra dose of messiness. It still feels this way but the need to get it out and on "paper" became stronger. So here I sit, with my laptop, trying to put into words what has transpired over the last few months.<br />
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Interestingly, today is the 18th of January...two months since my last post.<br />
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December. The funeral home we used invited us to an evening where we honored Dad, recognizing how his presence would be missed throughout the Christmas season. It was surprisingly beautiful (although I didn't really know what to expect) and at the same time, it ripped off the bandage to my grief / mourning and the rawness of my heart felt exposed once again.<br />
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The day that followed seemed wasted with tears and sadness. I know it was really another step for me to take but the day passed with the accomplishment of tear-stained cheeks and recognizing that I felt completely unbalanced with a head that was ready to move on and a heart that felt stuck. <br />
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That Sunday, prayer was offered for those who would be experiencing the holidays with a loss. I stood. And was blessed with my Father meeting me in my unbalanced, raw state. A number of people surrounded me but there was one who shared that God would be like a gyroscope for me - providing balance regardless of the direction my steps took. It wasn't like the skies cleared and all was new again, but I will say that a new level of peace, with a renewed hope, filled each day that followed.<br />
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Christmas. We hosted. So much could be said and shared but it isn't all relevant and really, this post is already super long. Anyway, with hosting came the comfort of following a schedule and blessing my family. I had to excuse myself one time to be still and breathe. Dinner time, in the midst of the conversation, stories and smiles, I was struck with recognizing that I missed my Dad's voice. He would have loved our meal of chicken parmesan, pasta with kalamata olives, meatballs, spinach casserole, broccoli and cauliflower casserole, bread from Brooklyn, etc. and I missed his words thanking all those that contributed to the yumminess and joy of sharing time with each other. I missed his laughter that would start as a slow boil and then spill into everything we did that day. I missed his smile and the sparkle in his eye as we would make eye contact at dinner and exchange "I love you's". I missed him and needed to take a moment away from everything and just breathe. So I did. In the bathroom. Because really, that is sometimes the only place where you can have privacy when your house is filled with people.<br />
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New Years came and I wanted to look forward to 2014. I embraced it but still felt, I don't know how to describe it...detached? <br />
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Couple the start of the new year with reading. In the series, I connected to the one of the main characters in a few different ways - the most tangible being the strength that she grasped to and dug deep for in the midst of all the yuck that she was surrounded with. At one point in the midst of despair and a sense of hopelessness, she experiences a revelation inside of her and silently declared that she wanted to live. The reality of death surrounded her and yet there was this spark inside that was crying for her to live and I connected to that.<br />
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I wasn't about to die. Not literally. But I recognized that the level I was living at was not where I wanted to be. I was still living in what I will label survival mode. I don't think it was wrong. I actually think it was fitting since I was surviving life after my Dad died. But I finally recognized that there was this small spark inside of me that was waiting to be recognized, wanting more for my life.<br />
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And that is the place where I am now. I still miss my Dad. That will never go away. But if I want to live in the present - living in full color rather than existing in grayscale, it is life without him being physically present in my every day.<br />
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I see him in my minds-eye. Laughing with his broad smile and twinkling blue eyes. That's my Dad. And he would never want me to walk away from the joys that life can bring. The life that is still there for me to live and experience. In fullness. No - he'd be cheering me on, reminding me that I can do anything that I set my mind to and that with God, I've got everything that I need to be victorious in my journey.<br />
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The next leg of my journey has begun and is set with the destination of living life out loud and in full color and so I lift my foot, regardless of the mixture of my internal emotions, I know I'm empowered, and therefore, I put my foot down, taking the next step with my eyes wide open and a heart ready to live.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">If the sky could draw what living in full color could look like...</td></tr>
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Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-46581637054410615832013-11-18T09:35:00.001-05:002013-11-18T09:44:43.457-05:00Birthday Letter to Dad<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaB_fkFRs39vqemfu0gHTAQMC8A6_mk_CEk3KF49KPnGru4hlW-WMSwqJjJ_8kUmixIK4MpF0x5IbBjL9dehyphenhyphenYWFk0OoN_85KGcb3c_2-Wq6hSdxxH5dMrGVOwyQH5WEi4oGd4szr-JI4/s1600/photo+(5).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaB_fkFRs39vqemfu0gHTAQMC8A6_mk_CEk3KF49KPnGru4hlW-WMSwqJjJ_8kUmixIK4MpF0x5IbBjL9dehyphenhyphenYWFk0OoN_85KGcb3c_2-Wq6hSdxxH5dMrGVOwyQH5WEi4oGd4szr-JI4/s320/photo+(5).JPG" width="208" /></a>Happy Birthday Dad. Today we would be celebrating 74 years that you walked the Earth. We will honor you today. I will also choose to celebrate the 77 days that you've been in the presence of Jesus - whole and healthy and strong.<br />
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I'm wearing a lot of blue today. Not because I'm sad. It's your favorite color.<br />
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Did you know I bought you a birthday card? Actually I bought it in March. I was perusing the cards and came upon this one. It was perfect. I remember hesitating - asking God if I should buy it. I made the purchase and have kept it in my planner - in the November section - waiting to give it to you. <br />
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I never told you that I bought you a card.<br />
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Now it might be more for me. <br />
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The card reads...<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDWyfIpVGL7UqxntHQrpwUAhqcDphIAt6WrhyYEIKc1rtikgsAMu9vvTwiwj-KQlbQ-5wZtBdud0cl9MJCEp2AMVGvJGRRaIFjV7ZhAuZ1vC4vkhG7goCJLebkOZlEUBh7o6o-j5DPP3M/s1600/photo+(6).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDWyfIpVGL7UqxntHQrpwUAhqcDphIAt6WrhyYEIKc1rtikgsAMu9vvTwiwj-KQlbQ-5wZtBdud0cl9MJCEp2AMVGvJGRRaIFjV7ZhAuZ1vC4vkhG7goCJLebkOZlEUBh7o6o-j5DPP3M/s320/photo+(6).JPG" width="320" /></a><b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Dad</i></span>, the older I get, the more I appreciate everything you've done, the more I admire and <span style="font-size: large;"><i>love you</i></span>.</b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Y</i></span>ou steadied my wobbly two-wheeler, you made yourself lend me the car, <span style="font-size: large;"><i>Y</i></span>ou tried to look calm and unruffled when I left the house looking bizarre.</b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Y</i></span>ou held me, supported me, steadied me...but loved me enough to let go.</b><br />
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<b><span style="font-size: large;"><i>Y</i></span>ou're my anchor, my safety, my hero, my dad...and you're loved more than you'll ever know.</b><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><b>HAPPY BIRTHDAY</b></i></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl6ZoDaEFNG7tEWdjVRHYNdmkpzbi2w7AoGczNn6-ipBJe8xfObtJp7DzxVaDj-XuzXso2HA67aPoAJu17um_YI8IdKC9HtzTWoTtHFbueAX4reUbTqFGDhhXoCA447FGjgg-vYvBT5Ug/s1600/photo+(4).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjl6ZoDaEFNG7tEWdjVRHYNdmkpzbi2w7AoGczNn6-ipBJe8xfObtJp7DzxVaDj-XuzXso2HA67aPoAJu17um_YI8IdKC9HtzTWoTtHFbueAX4reUbTqFGDhhXoCA447FGjgg-vYvBT5Ug/s320/photo+(4).JPG" width="213" /></a><br />
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Of course I would have added my own words - repeating the cards sentiments and telling you how much I love you and how special you are to me. All true. Still is. That will never end.<br />
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Your girls are going to lunch today - at one of your favorite restaurants. I'm trying to decide what I will eat a little bit of to honor you. Haven't decided yet. I'm purposefully choosing something that I don't normally eat. Tapioca pudding? Maybe. Raw sushi? Love you Dad, but no. I still stick with cooked. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhap3UL8l7tAvkbKVAWMIiTKuBGWv4-i_16IsbYXSkWbwpOVhZduQiFgUFLtYv4aHyB9L55YdER-lI74C52BGOJeAfnX34hXupp4jl1wLi-sBuGBFTDso4kIuxjFgIxdpL9K3zLGaphZJM/s1600/photo+(7).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhap3UL8l7tAvkbKVAWMIiTKuBGWv4-i_16IsbYXSkWbwpOVhZduQiFgUFLtYv4aHyB9L55YdER-lI74C52BGOJeAfnX34hXupp4jl1wLi-sBuGBFTDso4kIuxjFgIxdpL9K3zLGaphZJM/s320/photo+(7).JPG" width="240" /></a>Walking Barber to the bus stop today, he asked me what we are going to do tonight as a family. If we were doing something special "because today is Poppy's birthday, Mom". He then rattled off a number of ideas. Ice cream cake topped his list. I told him if we were to have cake, I'd want to bake your classic favorite - vanilla cake with chocolate mint frosting. He smacked his lips together, agreeing that would be a good choice too.<br />
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I made a Christmas stocking for Mom this week. Barber suggested that I make one for you too. I asked him what we would put in it. He suggested we put in some of your favorite things. I asked who would have those things? He said "Grammie could have them all. But she could also share them with us if we like them too." Reminds me of how your little girls would save their money to buy you a candy bar from the store (or lifesavers or gum) as a gift for you. You barely got the wrapping paper torn and we were asking you to share it with us. And you always did. With a hearty laugh and joke to boot.<br />
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Thanks Dad for being you. For loving me - no matter what.<br />
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I love you. Always and Forever.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMr6faYy-tJWYWEvWBfHl5a3DI1t6bxg7hNBc0HKQFOJTACImmh3pIWRnM3KSrnjiMXFq9mqu6GIuMfmbaBgWHRMfYGc1CJi1SSSDwjoXE-LuTbswPqn-M2vFMmQci1FZyvX8QN3JBQY/s1600/photo+(8).JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJMr6faYy-tJWYWEvWBfHl5a3DI1t6bxg7hNBc0HKQFOJTACImmh3pIWRnM3KSrnjiMXFq9mqu6GIuMfmbaBgWHRMfYGc1CJi1SSSDwjoXE-LuTbswPqn-M2vFMmQci1FZyvX8QN3JBQY/s320/photo+(8).JPG" width="320" /></a><span style="font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span><br />
<br />Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-68362278184284552632013-11-13T09:00:00.000-05:002013-11-13T10:46:54.761-05:00Hearts and Black Holes<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><i>Finally I summarized all of the questions swirling in my head...it's all of it. He was so much to me and now, even though I have peace as to where my Daddy is, he isn't here and what is left behind is an emptiness.</i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;">That's where I was left. Feeling the emptiness. </span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;">I remember when our son Jeter was born and Simms and I experienced this phenomenon of our figurative hearts growing because a greater amount of love was added. It was awesome and amazing and we felt filled to overflowing. I remember contemplating having another child - not wanting to share the love we have for Jeter with anyone else. But we didn't have to. Once again, when Barber entered our lives, we felt our hearts grow with the addition of love that was just for Barber.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;">We didn't have to divide a set amount of love among those that are treasured in our lives.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">What then happens when someone that you had such a huge amount of love for isn't here anymore?</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">And this was the next reality for me to deal with. The next layer was being peeled off.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">There was a hole in my heart. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">One that no one could ever fill.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">So there I am in the pew of our church, tears rolling down my face as this new reality sets in. Conversing with the One who I know loves me - even though I feel broken, fragmented, messed up, etc.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">And I hear Him say "I can fill it if you want me to."</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">"Yes. Please. Do it. And hurry up. Please."</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Later that day, Jeter and I had some time together and I shared this with him. This is how he responded: </span></span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEief5n3hsxdqWcAQTunK5WNBvfEIoEy5P9vRstCeKo6niF6MyLa-f9qVwtl6I33VMaxkksqiPBQIIO-NGDJDX5osfK26_RvlGxIeI-_hbTENnQM0qg4gLayXIPYsQyjG4xPE1yY4tultLE/s1600/black+hole.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEief5n3hsxdqWcAQTunK5WNBvfEIoEy5P9vRstCeKo6niF6MyLa-f9qVwtl6I33VMaxkksqiPBQIIO-NGDJDX5osfK26_RvlGxIeI-_hbTENnQM0qg4gLayXIPYsQyjG4xPE1yY4tultLE/s1600/black+hole.jpg" /></a><span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">"You know what this reminds me of Mom? Stars. They fill the sky and each has it's place. When a star dies, a black hole is formed and it sucks in everything that gets too close. </span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">That continues until it fills up. And if a new star forms, it's because God created it. It doesn't come from anything else. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Poppy isn't here and there is a hole that has been left behind. It could keep sucking you in but you've asked God to fill it up. And He will."</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Oh the wisdom of my sweet 12 year old. I hugged him and he hugged me back.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: 'PT Sans Narrow'; line-height: 24px;">It was exactly what I needed.</span><br />
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">And then I shared this with him:</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">"You see the pain. And I'm know you've experienced your own level of pain. It could cause someone to not love deeply. Or to be afraid to. To hold back because of not wanting to experience the loss. The pain is real. And it hurts a lot. But it's worth it. I will never hold back the love I have for you or your brother or your Dad or anyone that is treasured in my life. But there is a caution here. Be careful who you choose to give your heart to. You want to choose wisely."</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">Always a Mom. Always a teacher. I just can't help that. </span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">My journey continues. There are still tears but I'm sensing healing from His salve of LOVE. The kind that is patient, kind, rejoices in the truth, always protects, trusts, hopes and perseveres. The kind of love that doesn't fail. Which is good. I'm counting on it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #3a3a3a; font-family: PT Sans Narrow;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">The lyrics to Laura Story's "I Can Just Be Me" has been timely. Here is a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VRUU8UBXCk" target="_blank">link to a video on YouTube </a>if you're interested. I've also written them below. It's amazing how much of what I'm feeling is captured in these words.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I've been doing all that I can</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">To hold it all together, piece by piece</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I've been feeling like a failure</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Trying to be braver</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Than I could ever be</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">It's just not me</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So be my Healer, be my Comfort</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Be my peace</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">‘Cause I can be broken</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I can be needy, Lord, I need You now</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">To be, be my God</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So I can just be me</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I've been living like an orphan</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Trying to belong here</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">But it's just not my home</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I've been holding on so tightly</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">To all the things that I think</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">That satisfy my soul</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">But I'm letting go</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So be my Father, my mighty Warrior</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Be my King</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">‘Cause I can be scattered, frail and shattered</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Lord, I need You now to be</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Be my God so I can just be me</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">‘Cause I was lost</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">In this dark world</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">‘Till I was finally found in You</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So now I'm needy, desperately pleading</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Oh Lord, be all to me</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So be my Savior, be my lifeline</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Won't You be my everything?</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">‘Cause I'm so tired</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Of trying to be someone</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I was never meant to be</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Be my God, please be my God</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">Be my God so I can just be me</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">So I can just be me</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #676767; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21.328125px;">I can just be me</span>Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-15456888679777670972013-11-12T09:35:00.001-05:002013-11-12T09:40:07.886-05:00Peeling Away the LayersHow are you doing?<br />
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A common question. One that the typical answer is 'good'. I'm not going to debate whether this should be our response or not but will say that due to those who have been inquiring and the why behind their asking, I haven't said 'good'.<br />
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I'm okay. I'm taking it one day at a time. I have my moments. <br />
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These have been my responses. And they are true. Just not the raw truth.<br />
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How do I share what I still haven't figured out? How do you put raw emotions into words?<br />
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I self-evaluate. Shocked? I want to know the why of how I'm feeling because then I can own it and deal with it. Obviously the general answer of "why" is that my Dad is no longer here on Earth with us. But that generalization isn't good enough for me. Because if it was that simple, I'd be good. But I'm not.<br />
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I still have had times of full blown guttural cries - thankful that no one else is around type of crying. Or driving back home from the dentist and tears start running down my cheeks because I realize I always called my Dad after an appointment. And now I can't. Worship at church - it's pretty much a given that I'm wrecked every Sunday.<br />
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I stopped wearing mascara. And that kind of annoys me because I think my eyes look prettier with it.<br />
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Just being real.<br />
<br />
So I've been working on having layers peeled back one at a time. And just when I think I've reached a place of 'good', another layer is discovered.<br />
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A couple of weeks ago, the only way I could describe how I was feeling was numb. Like I wasn't feeling. This didn't include my family. Or God. I love them passionately. But the everyday stuff. And this wasn't normal for me. I'm a passionate person. I didn't like this feeling of indifference or apathy. And I didn't know how to fix it. My only hope was that God did but I didn't know how He was going to do it and I really wanted it taken care of quickly - like yesterday. I was feeling hopelessly hopeful. That might not even be a possible feeling. Whatever. It makes sense to me. <br />
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In my hopelessly hopeful state of mind, I couldn't help but wonder how people go through this without Him? Where is their hope? I could imagine how easy it would be to turn to other things - albeit temporary - to just feel something and get rid of this numbness. The desperation of wanting to feel 'normal' and to get rid of the nothingness. I didn't take that step. I couldn't. Not because I'm better. I'm not. But Jesus is. And He's my friend. That and the fact that I'm still passionate about my family and I want my choices to empower my boys. They aren't blind. They see my hurt. They need to also see me live with victory...regardless of what it takes to get there. But a new level of compassion birthed inside of me for those who do...<br />
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With another layer peeled back and in my hopelessly hopeful state of feeling nothing we go to church on Sunday. And every single song could have been chosen for me. Just like that I go from nothing to pain. And I'm asking why. Not out loud. Because that could be weird. But my insides are screaming - asking for answers.<br />
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Is it because he was the first man to believe in me?<br />
Is it because he was such a great example of love?<br />
Is it because he (with Mom) taught me how to be family?<br />
Is it because he was my first valentine? my hero? my confidant? my best friend?<br />
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Finally I summarized all of the questions swirling in my head...it's all of it. He was so much to me and now, even though I have peace as to where my Daddy is, he isn't here and what is left behind is an emptiness.<br />
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...to be continued...Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-72355831240565215742013-10-02T08:44:00.003-04:002013-10-02T08:47:48.501-04:00Traversing the ValleyLife's journey. It might be nice if it was like a plateau - flat and predictable. But even in the landscape and topography of our world, areas of relatively level ground are surrounded by those that are not. And so it is with life. There may be portions that can seem level or even predictable but there is plenty of ground that is rough, slippery, possibly uncharted - and it all needs to be crossed. What if you fall? What if you get hurt or broken? These are very real things.<br />
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The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me perfectly.<br />
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It's not easy being a parent. Anyone that tells you otherwise is a fool. Like anything that is worth something, it takes work. <br />
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I know there have been plenty of times where I would have liked to smooth out the terrain that my child is crossing. Take out the bumps. Ensure their footing keeps them from a fall. But it's not really possible. And it's not healthy for them either. They need to learn how to handle the bumps. How to steady themselves before and even after a fall. They even need to learn what to do when something "breaks" - how to mend, how to heal, etc.<br />
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I've called these times <i>life lessons</i> and have often kept my eyes fixed beyond the current circumstance that one of my boys is going through. That doesn't mean I devalue what they're facing and the impact it is having on their young lives. That is very, very real. Rather, it gives me focus as to the why I desire them to learn how to navigate this rough terrain - so when they come upon it again in their future (college, job, real life experiences and interactions) they are better equipped to get through it with fewer bumps and bruises.<br />
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I'm on the cusp of another birthday. It is quite clear that at almost 43, I still haven't arrived. There are still lessons to be learned. Maybe that's the real meaning of one who is a <i>life learner</i>. <br />
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As I look over the landscape I've traversed these past 42ish years, I can clearly note moments - some more difficult than others - and the lesson(s) that I learned as a result. Those lessons have resulted in treasures - core beliefs that I have held onto. They have even shaped who I am - my character. As a teenager, the truth of my identity, who I am in Christ, was etched into my heart. When my mother-in-love was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer two days after the birth of our oldest son, the first grandchild, I felt the terrain under my feet change. This was uncharted territory. Multiple things were added to my life and heart as we paralleled her 15 month battle. One of the greatest treasures that resulted for me is the truth regarding trust and placing it in God. Simply stated, it's a choice. If it's based on circumstances, it will waver, ebb and flow. This truth reminds me of the lyrics <i>On Christ the solid rock I stand. All other ground is shifting sand. </i><br />
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My latest life lesson has resulted from our parallel walk with my Dad who battled cancer for 15 years in total - metastatic prostate cancer since 2006. Unconditional trust in God helped to keep my feet sure but my heart...oh, that's another story entirely.<br />
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A month or so ago, as I was talking with God specifically about Dad, I heard Him ask "What if my healing doesn't happen the way you want it? Will you still love me?"<br />
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My eyes filled with fresh tears, overflowing and trickling down my cheeks as I responded "Yes. Yes, I will still love you. I will always love you."<br />
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And I do. My love for Him is unconditional. Even when I do not understand. Even when I entertain the thought of what could have been better if...<br />
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Once again, I find myself navigating through terrain that is uncomfortable and even painful at times. H.Norman Wright says, "Grief is a journey that moves across unknown terrain that includes valleys and mountains, the arid desert with an occasional oasis." and later notes "When you enter into grief, you enter into the valley of shadows."<br />
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When I read that, Psalm 23 immediately came to mind:<br />
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<i>The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. </i><i>He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. </i><i>He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. </i><i><b>Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.</b> You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever. NLT</i><br />
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<i> </i>
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The valley experiences they sing about are not identical to the one I'm traversing right now, but the truth of who is with me is the same. It is real. And I will not be broken. It will not break me.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-34824622908248615142013-09-30T11:13:00.000-04:002013-09-30T11:20:03.488-04:00Facing the Grief<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Four weeks ago, I spent the last full day I'd have here on earth with my Dad. That morning, while holding my hand, he told me that he had to tell me something. He then told me he was going to die. I held back the tears as best I could and told him I knew that, but we also knew that he wouldn't truly die. Because he was united with Christ, he would move from life on earth to life with Jesus. We also exchanged lots of "I love you. I love you too." throughout the day. My mom, my sister and I each took time to tell Daddy once again, how precious he is to us and thank him, again, for all he has instilled in each of our lives. Moments that I will cherish. Glimpses into what he has meant to me my entire life.<br />
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And then we said good-bye, or as he would say Auf Wiedersehen, until we meet again, on Tuesday, September 3rd.<br />
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I know the peace of God covered me throughout the week, preparing for the service, honoring Dad. Truly miraculous.<br />
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The last three weeks, I will say His peace is still here, but I'm a mess. It might not look that way to everyone that sees me. Activities are sometimes a welcomed distraction from my new reality - life with one of the most important people missing.<br />
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I know I am not the first person this has happened to and I've had loved ones leave this earth throughout my life. But this is a whole new magnitude. And quite frankly, I don't like it. Not one little bit.<br />
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I expected tears to be part of my reality. Just wasn't truly prepared for how hard and fast and often they can hit.<br />
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Paperwork. There is so much. It can feel so overwhelming. So we tackle a little at a time. Dealing with the stark reality of why we even have to do this.<br />
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I prepared myself for the fact that the first year following would be the worst - experiencing every important event without Daddy here. The toughest part of having a family as close of ours is that major events are not the only times that stir the sense of loss. I talked to my Dad almost every day. About nothing. About everything. About my goals of the week or what I was going to tackle this morning. About what I was reading or the conversations I had with my boys before they went to school. What was on the menu for our family that week and if I had my shopping list done.<br />
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And now that's missing. There is this emptiness that nothing can fill.<br />
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I thought I'd be fine by now. And I am - where my head / thoughts are concerned. But my heart is a wreck. I told a friend I feel like my emotions are stretched and are existing in extremes. I need to live balanced again. But nothing seems to be balanced in my life right now. Not despairing. I know eventually I'll get there again. Meanwhile, I'm attempting to be patient with myself in the process. <br />
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I picked up a book that was given to me by a friend - <u>Experiencing Grief</u> by H.Norman Wright. I appreciated her thoughtfulness but was not at all ready to crack it open before this morning. And that's okay. Timing is relevant and the Lord knew that this morning, it was time.<br />
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<i>"The world is full of faces. Some familiar, some unfamiliar. Many are constant companions. They belong to those closest to us - a friend, a parent, a grandparent, a spouse, or a child. But one day a face is missing. Its presence is no longer there. There's an empty spot, but not for long. A new face emerges to take its place. It's unfamiliar and unfriendly. It's the face of grief.</i><br />
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<i>Grief - what do you know about this experience? We use the word so easily. It's the state we're in when we've lost a loved one. It's an inward look. You've been called into the house of mourning. It's not a comfortable place. It's not where you want to reside, but for a time, longer than you wish, you will. Often it will hurt, confuse, upset and frighten you. It's described as intense, emotional suffering or even acute sorrow.</i><br />
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<i>In grief, the bottom falls out of your world; the solid footing you had yesterday is gone. It feels more like a floorboard tilting or soft pliable mud with each step you take. The stability of yesterday's emotions has given way to feelings that are so raw and fragile, you think you are losing your mind. We feel alone with it, yet we're not for Jesus himself was there 'a man of sorrows acquainted with bitterest grief' (Isaiah 53:3)."</i><br />
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Yup. That's me. Messed up. For now. I think this will be a helpful 85 pages of reading for me. And this blog...therapy. Writing has always been that for me. <i> </i><br />
<br />Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-85768157192763180952013-06-16T08:00:00.000-04:002013-06-16T08:00:02.298-04:00Dad...an example of Love and Trust.<b>You taught me how important TRUST is.</b><br />
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I have always been more hesitant and cautious than others. I remember you standing at the bottom of the stairs and saying “jump”. I would ask/beg/plead for Promises to go first – and then even after I saw you catch her I would still struggle.<br />
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You never gave up on me – you always encouraged me to trust you - no matter how long or hard your day was you didn't get aggravated with my hesitation. Why? I guess you knew how important it was for me to learn how to trust – so that as I grew up I would be able to take the leaps that faith requires us to do.<br />
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Thank you for that Dad.<br />
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Thank you for never getting annoyed with me. Thank you for always encouraging me. Thank you so much. Because of your example of “father” to me – my faith in God hasn't been a struggle. Sure, I have had my moments with God but I know that when God says “trust me” I don’t hesitate. Thank you Daddy.<br />
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<b>Your Unconditional Love</b>.<br />
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I never knew another kind of love. I don’t comprehend how people can love their family members any other way. And yet, many do not know what it is to be loved unconditionally…especially from their daddy.<br />
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I do. I know I wasn't the most difficult child to rear. Both of your girls could be classified as “good kids”. This isn't by accident. I believe the main reason why I stayed away from "bad" stuff is because I didn't have to look for love/comfort. I had it! You and Mom created the most amazing environment for us to grow up in. We weren't perfect, but I see me now – a product of my growing up – and I wouldn't change a thing.<br />
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Again, because you loved us unconditionally, we knew how to receive that love from our Heavenly Father. I also know how to give it – it is the ONLY way I know how to love. Thank you Daddy.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-74741873481666762932013-06-15T08:00:00.000-04:002013-06-15T08:00:02.148-04:00My Dad. Study Partner. Debate Partner<b>My study partner</b>.<br />
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For so many years – until college – then Simms took over. I would have you test me on everything. I know you were very happy when I was done with the paces and in a “real” school system again. Those things frustrated you – although I did VERY well in math. Hmmm, wonder who I got that skill from? Hee hee.<br />
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You would quiz me so I could be ready for my tests. The biggest weeks would be for my midterms and finals throughout high school. You never said “no”. Even as you struggled pronouncing all of the Spanish vocabulary – we just giggled through it all. And I graduated with honors.<br />
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Thank you for never saying no and always making me/family a priority. Another life lesson I learned simply from your example. Thank you Daddy.<br />
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<b>My debate partner</b>.<br />
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This is something that I think is unique to us. In spite of everything, we haven’t always seen eye to eye on a variety of issues. And so we would “discuss” our differing points of view – which sometimes got VERY HEATED.<br />
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What makes us different is that after those heated discussions, we were fine. Within five minutes, we could be laughing about something else.<br />
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Honestly, I never knew we were unique in this until Simms pointed it out to me. Hee hee. I know these discussions weren’t always pleasant, but through it you taught me how to think things through. We also challenged and stretched one another. I believe I developed a lot of my reasoning and processing skills as a result.<br />
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Today, I am a very logical thinker and I don’t just take what someone says as truth. I dissect it, examine it, and critique it. These are skills I attempted to teach my students. Our world needs more people to do this. Daddy, thank you for helping me to develop these skills.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-38973152101029729282013-06-14T08:00:00.000-04:002013-06-14T08:00:04.392-04:00My Dad. Best Friend and Confidant.<b>One of my best friends and confidant.</b><br />
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You are! I enjoy spending time with you. Making Friday night pizza runs or just “going for a ride” in the truck while you ran a bunch of errands are a couple of my memories.<br />
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Now, you go for a ride with me! I am always able to talk to you about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING. I remember how I felt very different when I heard my girlfriends talking about their dads. It was as if they were strangers to them. I knew I was different and I was GLAD I was different.<br />
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You were not a stranger to me. I talked to you about everything – even what could be classified as “girl stuff”. You never acted uncomfortable or awkward – if you had I would not have had the freedom to talk to you about what was most important to me.<br />
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I knew you cared for me and loved me – and still do. I also knew you would always be honest with me and tell me like it is. Nothing was “sugar-coated”.<br />
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You also would make time for me. When no one else would, you would play a game with me. Yahtzee and Tile Rummy were our favorites.<br />
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Thank you. Those little things that may have seemed so insignificant at the time – it meant EVERYTHING. Thank you Daddy.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-84550546989817633632013-06-13T08:00:00.000-04:002013-06-13T08:00:08.881-04:00My Dad. My Hero.<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEGmTq7WP9RMccXc8IjJftHEfxyUi6R3Ic74sxisniDN_RE49aj6qvruKRLkDAtrflpgkQKucF61-b9Pn9YmIhkDK0aICsqRbzcEcndSveL2ZGRli0cyFiUf_Zc4u62LsmsfGgFm7klhQ/s1600/PICT0286.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="207" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjEGmTq7WP9RMccXc8IjJftHEfxyUi6R3Ic74sxisniDN_RE49aj6qvruKRLkDAtrflpgkQKucF61-b9Pn9YmIhkDK0aICsqRbzcEcndSveL2ZGRli0cyFiUf_Zc4u62LsmsfGgFm7klhQ/s1600/PICT0286.JPG" width="320" /></a><b>My hero</b>.<br />
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You are the best Daddy Waddy Doodle all the Day – and for the last 34-1/2 years (now 42-1/2) you have held that title! On a more serious note, I have always looked up to you.<br />
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Didn’t matter what was going on around me – I always knew I could count on my Dad – you would always be there. None of the neighborhood kids would mess with your girls and it wasn’t because we were so tough. I remember when Paul and the boy down the street were throwing mud balls at us. We told them to stop and they joked back saying they wouldn't and "what were we going to do about it anyway?”<br />
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I told them I would get my Dad.<br />
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They threw another one – and I got you.<br />
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When you were done with them they didn't throw another thing at us again.<br />
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Years later, Peter came by on his bike and began cursing at us. I told him he was not allowed to use that language on our property. We went back and forth and then he said he was going to get someone to take care of us. I asked who it was and he told me – it was the boy with Paul from years earlier. I told him to “go ahead, he won’t hurt us”. Peter said “we would just see about that”. Sure enough they came down together on their bikes – the boy looked at us and asked Peter “these are the girls?” He said “yes” and the boys’ response was “sorry, you are on your own. If you mess with them, you mess with their Dad and I am not doing that”.<br />
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Dad, you demonstrated what it is like to be a child of GOD – if anyone messes with us, then they have to deal with our Heavenly Father. How powerful that is!!! What a life lesson you demonstrated to us – and just because you are a loving daddy. Thank you Daddy.<br />
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Great lyrics and incredibly appropriate for the point we are at in our journey.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/MjmZ2v0niCI" width="560"></iframe>Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-24051178910858179232013-06-12T16:00:00.002-04:002013-06-12T16:07:00.887-04:00Celebrating My DadFather's Day is this Sunday. I'm looking forward to celebrating another one with my Dad.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCclD-bBVhh_Wd2ru7EQSf6bZrFdc8azj2HeaTMZcHACq9z_DLLlV_3v0Q0X2QR1wmz0MF7pTncWidxc0TTDBSLdz_qLF4Wjm5DMz3wVeAmjPJtXeStIKiv-35pXyKvmGNdIXk3ajlbT8/s1600/PICT0016.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCclD-bBVhh_Wd2ru7EQSf6bZrFdc8azj2HeaTMZcHACq9z_DLLlV_3v0Q0X2QR1wmz0MF7pTncWidxc0TTDBSLdz_qLF4Wjm5DMz3wVeAmjPJtXeStIKiv-35pXyKvmGNdIXk3ajlbT8/s1600/PICT0016.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a>This week has been a little tough. My Dad's PSA is once again rising. The difference this time is that there is no other chemotherapy available for him to try. Medically, they've done everything they can. At this point, the only thing they can do is minimize his pain and discomfort. We've never believed that the medicine would heal my Dad (only God can do that) but now there isn't anything medically to help prolong his life.<br />
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We continue to pray and trust God. We want to see Dad healed this side of heaven. Our hope is in the Lord. Regardless of what transpires over the future days, months and years, I will choose to trust God and love Him with my whole heart.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABaZeGwPdIegXW7G4XrA94GZ5d2aAv3Smhc70hXDVJsxxkqFNkbXqtX_Bk-m-zM7ojrHgzwW79ws5rEC1lNuOTtvwZyZSa6XmEYNxs1X5KvFCj5nmPbTMivdshuL6e2RGLZMEILEKAZY/s1600/PICT0029.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiABaZeGwPdIegXW7G4XrA94GZ5d2aAv3Smhc70hXDVJsxxkqFNkbXqtX_Bk-m-zM7ojrHgzwW79ws5rEC1lNuOTtvwZyZSa6XmEYNxs1X5KvFCj5nmPbTMivdshuL6e2RGLZMEILEKAZY/s1600/PICT0029.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a>This doesn't mean there haven't been tears. I love my Dad. He's still my Daddy and I'm still his little girl.<br />
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But there is still hope...<br />
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Okay, so I've been going through some of my past posts and I'm going to be doing some re-posting. It's really for me. After all, this is my blog. But I know that many of you know and love my Dad too and/or can relate a father-daughter bond.<br />
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This post was originally posted on <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2010/11/happy-birthday-daddy.html" target="_blank">The Campbell Corner for my Dad's Birthday</a> in 2010.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyolGQF_MVnAsk_vKMhyphenhyphenTXRHa41aJLMtElZ4M2UAq9IruPvCXRKguXDu41RG0pAYz-ihWmEr3M781wzs6HjdMP5BC_rrmZyhBrtQIsMikvot-sn2pTa6qM-E-hf9RfKBQlr6rEif2LGmM/s1600/PICT0150+ed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyolGQF_MVnAsk_vKMhyphenhyphenTXRHa41aJLMtElZ4M2UAq9IruPvCXRKguXDu41RG0pAYz-ihWmEr3M781wzs6HjdMP5BC_rrmZyhBrtQIsMikvot-sn2pTa6qM-E-hf9RfKBQlr6rEif2LGmM/s1600/PICT0150+ed.jpg" height="207" width="320" /></a></div>
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Today my Dad is officially 71 years old! He has outlived the longest living male in his family line by 2-1/2 years now. Go Daddy go! (note - this year in November he will turn 74!)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtQaEPnoFs4NZf9Y3e0M3U7gcKlUgYf9w09wRcyN8ZDsvh3Gio5UTYjlHx9caEM7im6QSxeCB02ePt_c_PZ9SvreZBUvu7a7BH9jtUNM4COEXWvtJ4f49wIwx3PXsaRv_j18p9mAI_PSI/s1600/PICT0212.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtQaEPnoFs4NZf9Y3e0M3U7gcKlUgYf9w09wRcyN8ZDsvh3Gio5UTYjlHx9caEM7im6QSxeCB02ePt_c_PZ9SvreZBUvu7a7BH9jtUNM4COEXWvtJ4f49wIwx3PXsaRv_j18p9mAI_PSI/s1600/PICT0212.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a>If you are a regular reader here at my corner then you know how special my Daddy is to me. I've written about some of <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2006/12/dads-rules.html">Dad's Rules</a> around Christmas and the various <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2006/12/tradition.html">Traditions</a> he has instilled, <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2008/11/i-just-cant-get-out-of-this-kitchen.html">His favorite cake</a> and how <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2006/09/are-you-ready-for-some-football.html">we watched my first Superbowl together</a>. He has <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2007/02/valentines-day-and-i-have-love-hate.html">always been my valentine</a> - shared with my sister of course. And we are both still <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2007/06/ill-always-be-little-girl-in-my-daddys.html">Daddy's Little Girl</a>. To top off these memories, the one that seems to resonate with me today is the fact that no one <a href="http://thecampbellcorner.blogspot.com/2006/10/praying-when-you-dont-know-whys-or.html">prayed like my Dad</a> and the security that gave me when I was scared or needed some comfort.<br />
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When my Dad prays he doesn't use super big words but there is a passion and strength that is there.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8y4-tExG-pmMlCDdIYR8wJxRYL8groI9P4p3wIIPspavyVBk5gykku3SwCzH9zZSmx2r3UBg6G7HTekazZ3MxtuYFO0wJw18gadNlBPrXODVRJJb6dIOm7r-LM2uUimKQHVG6GVL3kFk/s1600/PICT0588+ed.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8y4-tExG-pmMlCDdIYR8wJxRYL8groI9P4p3wIIPspavyVBk5gykku3SwCzH9zZSmx2r3UBg6G7HTekazZ3MxtuYFO0wJw18gadNlBPrXODVRJJb6dIOm7r-LM2uUimKQHVG6GVL3kFk/s1600/PICT0588+ed.jpg" height="207" width="320" /></a></div>
That passion and strength has always been part of him...it's just evolved over time. He was born in 1939 and grew up on the streets of New York City. His family lived on a German block in Queens - that wasn't the name of the street but the families on that block came over from Germany. He has told me how it wasn't easy being ridiculed, being called 'Nazi' and targeted by bullies. He never joined a gang. His Dad (my Poppy) taught him how to fight and I still recall a story where he cheered my Dad on as he defended himself against another boy. They moved out of the city when he was sixteen. He told me that he and his dad witnessed a fight where switchblades were pulled and used. Apparently my Poppy defined that type of fight as 'unfair' and determined it was time to move the family.<br />
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I can't imagine growing up like that. Always on the defense. It's taught in psychology classes that the typical response to threatening situations are fight or flight. I don't know if my Dad comprehends 'flight'. I'm not sure it is part of his vocabulary. I'm just kidding about the latter...well sort of.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmXxnNHO8ColKXTMGjh-G8MZGR2PEG5CM7BWiT-PCPYrUbUU3R-x4UKlcN8tQKxV8xhhEdNcuI3RcK0geMTHZ6SzlCURrQ8nNyJoTFFJHKqvVV-B6grXjHV7RxXepupZ69OT_awj-_bY/s1600/PICT0489.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhsmXxnNHO8ColKXTMGjh-G8MZGR2PEG5CM7BWiT-PCPYrUbUU3R-x4UKlcN8tQKxV8xhhEdNcuI3RcK0geMTHZ6SzlCURrQ8nNyJoTFFJHKqvVV-B6grXjHV7RxXepupZ69OT_awj-_bY/s1600/PICT0489.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a>My Dad invited God to be a part of his life when he was thirty-three years old. I was a toddler. As a little girl, the fighter part of my Dad became my defender. I knew that no one would hurt me or my family because my Daddy took care of us. I'm sure every little girl sees her Daddy as her hero but I remember times when I felt threatened by someone and my Dad had words with that individual and then everything was a-ok. Sometimes I wish I knew what he had said and then I think that I'm better off not knowing.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXjYcbUo6-mQtjXY2izH-7_JL5QpMeKnCciQ1klWth2iVlCEfCODt70Zf0YMUEpWslg-kkKfaCo7a-5zGHELsRyHCMF27h_yJ-9ei9OdUi0CmqJgp6k4GB_u1xDdjmgJNyex0BZpRu3r8/s1600/PICT0488.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiXjYcbUo6-mQtjXY2izH-7_JL5QpMeKnCciQ1klWth2iVlCEfCODt70Zf0YMUEpWslg-kkKfaCo7a-5zGHELsRyHCMF27h_yJ-9ei9OdUi0CmqJgp6k4GB_u1xDdjmgJNyex0BZpRu3r8/s1600/PICT0488.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a></div>
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As an adolescent, the fighter part of my Dad was truly annoying. I felt like he always had to be right and we battled verbally - especially when I knew he was definitely wrong and I was right. LOL.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgcTWM2t0jyhVuegPM5cpQAl5VaimLg9TSYFJGyE97TSR7MzFhQ_s8Tzdx2ozJxF0B_eRyIsvLPcl4s9d3nwRxy_CxcWy18MWFiLkaRKdxa39lzG0u86LcDO9llUhcM66Mi-t-zu1mIPI/s1600/PICT0491.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhgcTWM2t0jyhVuegPM5cpQAl5VaimLg9TSYFJGyE97TSR7MzFhQ_s8Tzdx2ozJxF0B_eRyIsvLPcl4s9d3nwRxy_CxcWy18MWFiLkaRKdxa39lzG0u86LcDO9llUhcM66Mi-t-zu1mIPI/s1600/PICT0491.JPG" height="207" width="320" /></a>As an adult I understand where the fighter in my Dad came from. It is still sometimes annoying - just being honest - but I've also seen it change. The real strength of this trait is when he prays. He never gives up. He never gives in. He fights and fights and fights because He knows that his Daddy- Abba - is in his corner, cheering him on.<br />
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As Chris Tomlin sings in Our God is Greater...<br />
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<em><strong>And if Our God is for us, then who could ever stop us</strong></em><br />
<em><strong>And if our God is with us, then what can stand against?</strong></em><br />
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Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-20820324786143200162013-05-08T13:54:00.000-04:002013-05-08T17:52:26.467-04:00DIY: Whipped Body ButterI enjoy conditioning and moisturizing my skin with creams - especially those that use shea butter. In the past, I would look for sales and deals. Not always an easy task if you want high quality ingredients. My research then unveiled the ability to do it myself and I decided to educate myself and give it a try. I have been very pleased with both the ease to create my own whipped body butter as well as the quality of the product.<br />
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Want to try it yourself? Sure you do!<br />
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This is an easy recipe to follow that allows for you to personalize your own whipped body butter.<br />
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1 cup unrefined raw shea butter<br />
1/2 cup coconut oil<br />
1/2 cup light oil (almond, apricot kernal, grapeseed, olive or jojoba are options)<br />
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optional: a few drops (10-15 total) of essential oil<br />
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NOTE: - you can substitute the shea butter for cocoa butter or even do 1/2 cup of each.<br />
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Got the ingredients? Let's do this!<br />
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1. Place the butter and oils in a double boiler (not essential oil) and melt over medium heat. Stir frequently while heating until the oils have melted and the mixture is uniform. It will take 10-12 minutes.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3db29b3127ccef345a265ad6f00000030O02KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130508171111691.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Three ingredients used : shea butter, coconut oil and almond oil</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3db29b3127ccef34588132c3c00000030O02KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130508171156387.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About 7 minutes into melting the mixture</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3db29b3127ccef344d1754ca200000040O02KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130508171256892.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mixture is now uniform and cooling to room temperature</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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2. Once the mixture is uniform, remove from the heat and allow mixture to cool to room temperature.<br />
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3. After it has cooled to room temperature, place in the fridge and chill for about an hour. NOTE - some sites suggest you put it in the freezer for a portion of time. I have chosen to not follow this method. It will cool faster but you don't want it to get too hard.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3da25b3127ccef29c7b5b76d200000030O02KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130405013654967.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is the mixture after the hour in the fridge. It's congealed but it is soft and ready to be whipped.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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4. Using a mixer, whip for a total of 10 minutes or until the mixture has a creamy consistency. If you are adding in essential oils, whip for 5 minutes, add the drops and then whip for another 5 minutes.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3da25b3127ccef29c5043b77700000030O02KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130405013717388.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D0/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">About 5 minutes into the process of whipping the body butter</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3da25b3127ccef29d2b2cd7f100000030O12KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130405013737170.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D1/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Success! Body Butter is whipped.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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5. Spoon body butter into containers and chill for another hour. This product can be stored at room temperature and will keep for a few months. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://im1.shutterfly.com/media/47a3db29b3127ccef345b9c2ed5d00000030O12KbNXDVmzB7efBQ/cC/f%3D0/ls%3D00300358050620130508171427483.JPG/ps%3D50/r%3D1/rx%3D550/ry%3D400/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Finished product!<br />
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<div style="text-align: left;">
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</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
One final notation, the whipped body butter will melt when you apply it to your skin. Enjoy!Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-76189911184987827452013-04-12T13:20:00.002-04:002013-04-12T13:20:45.706-04:00Just Wanted to Share...The message of this song is so powerful. I know it has ministered to me today. May you also be blessed.<br />
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Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-31778005802448893802013-04-07T08:00:00.000-04:002013-04-07T08:00:04.660-04:00Meals at a Glance: Week FourTaco Salad. This is a family favorite. Lots of veggies too!<br />
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Drunken Burgers (Rachael Ray recipe from her Book of Burger cook book) enjoyed with crispy crowns and a veggie side / salad. There isn't a link for this recipe but maybe you'll decide to invest in the <a href="http://www.rachaelray.com/books/bookofburger/" target="_blank">cook book</a>. <br />
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<a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2010/05/grilled-chicken-sandwich-with-apricot-sauce/" target="_blank">Chicken Apricot Paninis</a> with fruit and cold veggies. I'm thinking I might make my favorite spinach salad with fruit and poppy seed dressing. The panini recipe is from the Pioneer Woman Cooks cook book. Easy. Delicious. Definitely a family favorite. The kiddos don't like the sage and onion so we delete that from their sandwiches. If you haven't heard of The Pioneer Woman, you need to follow this link and check her out. She has many amazing recipes that your family is sure to enjoy!<br />
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Toasted Ravioli (<a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/toasted-ravioli-recipe/index.html" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> from the 2468 cook book) with a steamed veggie, bread and seasoned oil.<br />
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<a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2011/01/quesadillas-de-camarones/" target="_blank">Quesadillas</a> - I'm going to try the Pioneer Woman Cooks recipe - with fresh fruit, salsa, chips and veggies. The Pioneer Woman has multipe ideas for quesadillas. If you don't like this one, check out her site for the many options she suggests.<br />
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This week we also celebrate Barber's birthday so that is a special night out with the family.<br />
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Of course we will also enjoy the Campbell Buffet one evening as well. Those of you that are new to how we roll...that also means leftovers. It just sounds nicer to call it a 'buffet'. <br />
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Recipe this week? I was trying to decide what to do. I make my own Taco Seasoning now so I thought I would give you that.<br />
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<b>Taco Seasoning Mix</b><br />
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1/2 cup chili powder<br />
1/4 cup onion powder<br />
2 Tbs ground cumin<br />
1 Tbs garlic powder<br />
1 Tbs paprika<br />
1 Tbs sea salt<br />
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Mix all ingredients together and store in a jar. Shake before you use. My mix is stored in a mason jar with a label that reminds me to use 3 Tbs per pound of ground meat. Oh - and I add about 1/2 cup water for each pound of meat. Simmer for about 5 minutes or until it thickens a bit.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-5589337698265843042013-03-31T09:00:00.000-04:002013-03-31T09:00:01.848-04:00Meals at a Glance: Week ThreeHappy Easter everyone. Hope you are all enjoying celebrating with your family! You may be enjoying ham or turkey. Our tradition is to have leg of lamb.<br />
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So how does your meal plan look after this? It might look something like this...<br />
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Sloppy Hot Wing Joes with smashed potato skins and veggie (<a href="http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=2047" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> in her orange cook book)<br />
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Chicken Parm Pizza (<a href="http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=131" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> from her 2468 cook book). My family really likes this. I'll pair it with some veggie sticks and dip or a salad.<br />
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Croque Monsieurs (<a href="http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/rachael-ray-30-minute-meals/monte-cristo-style-croque-monsieur" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> found in the May 2012 issue of her EveryDay magazine). We'll add cold veggie sticks with apple slices.<br />
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Tilapia with rice and sauteed green beans. My favorite and super easy recipe for tilapia is included in this post. Yum!<br />
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Chicken Quesadilla Pinwheels (<a href="http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/chicken-quesadilla-pinwheels-recipe/index.html" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> from the 2468 cook book)<br />
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What would my family eat without Rachael Ray? Don't make me answer that. I will say that it wouldn't be as good and my stress level would be much higher! <br />
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<b>Tilapia</b><br />
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This recipe could also work with other whitefish similar to tilapia.<br />
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1 cup sliced almonds, divided (you can also use chopped pecans)<br />
1/4 cup all-purpose flour<br />
4 (6 oz) tilapia fillets<br />
1/2 tsp salt<br />
2 Tbs butter<br />
2 Tbs olive oil<br />
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Finely chop 1/2 cup almonds in a food processor. (I use my magic bullet for this) and combine with the flour in a shallow bowl<br />
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Sprinkle fish evenly with salt and coat with almond mixture<br />
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Melt butter with olive oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add fish and cook 4 minutes on each side or until golden. Remove fillets to a serving plate.<br />
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Add remaining 1/2 cup almonds (pecans are really good too!) to skillet and cook, stirring often, until golden (approximately one minute). Remove almonds and sprinkle over fish.<br />
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The response from Barber the first time I served this was "Mom! This is so good! I think we should eat this EVERY night!"<br />
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We haven't but it's so nice when you are trying new foods and recipes to gain such a positive response from your family.<br />
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I would love to hear how your kiddos are responding to your new recipes. Please share. Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-34320368634336791022013-03-27T08:00:00.000-04:002013-03-27T08:00:04.132-04:00The Relevance of WordsWords.<br />
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Power.<br />
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Imagine if we didn't just recognize the power of the spoken language, but took the next step and chose our words carefully before we spoke them aloud.<br />
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Hmmm...I'm imagining.<br />
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It wouldn't be easy. I bet it would be a daily choice. And for many, that choice would be a battle.<br />
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I desire for my words to empower and not tear down. Even the words that challenge others. The words spoken to correct my child's behavior or choice.<br />
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Life is a continuous learning curve, is it not?<br />
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This is part of my quest.<br />
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And now I am going to continue to ponder how different the world could look if we all did this...because that would be amazingly beautiful.<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/anVweXDcxhA" width="560"></iframe>Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-81933947230565208182013-03-24T08:00:00.000-04:002013-03-24T08:00:02.738-04:00Meals at a Glance: Week TwoHow did your meals go last week? Hopefully they were less stressful. Need some ideas for the week ahead? Here is what is on the menu in my home...<br />
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Breakfast for Dinner. This is FUN and versatile. You can go with what you feel like here. Anything from omelets and potatoes to pancakes or crepes or waffles or eggs however you want them. What's your favorite breakfast? Maybe that should be one of your dinners tonight!<br />
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BLT Turkey Burger Clubs (<a href="http://www.food.com/recipe/blt-turkey-burger-clubs-237252" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> found in her 2468 cook book). I'm pairing that with veggies and maybe some fruit (apple slices, banana and strawberries, whatever suits us that night)<br />
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Honey Hoisin Chicken - this is a crock pot meal and I'm going to share the recipe with you. My sister is the one who shared it with me. It's great with rice and sauteed green beans but you can add whatever sides you want.<br />
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Chicken Paninis - make them up however you want. That is what I love about panini's. Jeter will want pesto and cheese. Barber will want a mix of some jam and mayo with cheese. I'll have some of the above with a sliver of red onion and maybe some sage sauteed in olive oil. You can use chicken that is already cooked - maybe even some of the leftover Honey Hoisen Chicken or saute some in olive oil.<br />
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Of course we have a leftovers night aka Campbell Buffet. This is also the week of Good Friday and then prepping for Easter. I will admit right now, those nights are possibly a sandwich night (tuna melts/ham&cheese/egg/etc) and maybe another leftover/clean out the fridge night. LOL.<br />
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<b>Honey Hoisin Chicken</b><br />
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2-1/2 to 3 lbs chicken pieces<br />
2 Tbs soy sauce<br />
2 Tbs hoisin sauce<br />
2 Tbs honey<br />
2 Tbs dry white wine<br />
1 Tbs grated ginger root<br />
1/4 tsp salt<br />
1/8 tsp black pepper<br />
2 Tbs corn starch<br />
Toasted sesame seeds (optional)<br />
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Combine soy sauce, hoisin sauce, honey, wine, singer, salt and pepper<br />
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Dip each piece of chicken into the sauce then place into your crock pot<br />
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Pour remaining sauce over the chicken<br />
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Cover and cook on LOW for about 4-5 hours or until chicken is tender<br />
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Turn control on HIGH<br />
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Remove chicken from crock pot and keep warm<br />
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Dissolve corn starch in a small amount of cold water. Stir mixture into juices in slow cooker. Cover and cook on HIGH for 15-20 minutes or until slightly thickened<br />
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Spoon sauce over chicken and sprinkle with sesame seeds.Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-57762097832229170412013-03-20T08:00:00.000-04:002013-03-20T08:00:13.292-04:00Mid-Week Worship<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/C9yWgU8SZa8" width="560"></iframe>Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-4264775308105537612013-03-17T22:20:00.002-04:002013-03-17T22:36:39.453-04:00Meals at a Glance: Week OneSoccer season officially began last week. This spring we will be at the field every day except Friday and Sunday. My sanity - really the preservation of it - required me to create a meal plan. I didn't get the entire season covered yet but I do have the next eight weeks which makes me breathe much easier.<br />
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You may find yourself in a similar situation this spring. Maybe you are tired of the same old recipes and just want some new ideas. Whatever the reason, I've had quite a few people request a copy of my meal plan. I really do not mind sharing - I've already done the work. Why not allow many to benefit. Besides, I'm sharing the plan...that doesn't mean I have to shop or cook for ALL of you!<br />
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Anyway - I plan to do a weekly posting here at the ole blog. <br />
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<b>Meals at a Glance: Week One</b><br />
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Chicken Enchiladas - I have my own recipe. Maybe you have one too. If not, there are many recipes available online. Just google it. Or bing it. Or you can use mine down below. Actually, I got it from an amazing lady at our church. <br />
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Herbacious Burgers (<a href="http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipes/rachael-ray-magazine-recipe-search/rachael-ray-burger-recipes/audacious--herbaceous-beef-burgers" target="_blank">Rachael Ray recipe</a> - this link may not be the same as mine but it sounds really yum. I used a recipe from her Book of Burger cook book) with roasted potatoes and broccoli. My favorite roasted potatoes recipe is on an old blog - <a href="http://www.momnaction.blogspot.com/2009/07/monday-munchies-roasted-potatoes.html" target="_blank">Created & Called</a>.<br />
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Pot Roast, egg noodles and veggie (your choice). The <a href="http://momnaction.blogspot.com/2008/09/calling-all-slow-cookers.html" target="_blank">original posting</a> of the pot roast recipe was also placed on the Created & Called blog. Super easy and it tastes good too.<br />
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Saucy BBQ Chicken Sammies (another Rachael Ray recipe - mine is from her 365 cook book but <a href="http://www.rachaelray.com/recipe.php?recipe_id=150" target="_blank">I found one online</a> that you could use if you don't have that cook book) paired with apple sauce and salad.<br />
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Spaghetti & Meatballs with veggie, bread and seasoned oil.<br />
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We always have at least one night of leftovers aka Campbell Buffet and we happen to have a one-day tournament this week. I am not going to even attempt to plan a meal for that evening.<br />
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Hope you all have a yummy week. Please feel free to comment and tell me about meals that you have planned this week.<br />
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<b>Chicken Enchiladas</b><br />
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1 Rotisserie Chicken - pull meat into strips - about 3 to 3-1/2 cups<br />
1/4 tsp salt<br />
1/4 tsp garlic powder<br />
1/4 tsp ground cumin<br />
dash black pepper<br />
6 large flour tortillas<br />
2 green onions, chopped<br />
1/2 cup shredded Mexican Four Cheese (I use more)<br />
1/4 cup chopped black olives<br />
1 Tbs green chilies, chopped<br />
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Sauce: 1 can cream of chicken soup, 3/4 cup water and 1-10oz can enchilada sauce<br />
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To the chicken meat, add salt, garlic powder, ground cumin and black pepper. Toss to distribute evenly.<br />
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Whisk together the ingredients of the sauce and add 1/2 cup of the mixture to the chicken.<br />
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Put about 1/2 cup chicken in each tortilla and roll up. Place in a 9x13 baking dish.<br />
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Pour the rest of the sauce evenly over the enchiladas. Top with 1/2 cup cheese, black olives, green onions and chilies.<br />
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Bake at 350 for 30 minutes, take out of oven and sprinkle more cheese on top. Enjoy!<br />
<b><br /></b>Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-55795418832991005232013-02-27T13:44:00.002-05:002013-02-27T13:44:57.290-05:00Family. Faith. Life. Worship.Time doesn't stop. <br />
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Life continues. </div>
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Smiles. Tears. Laughter. Concerns.</div>
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<br />Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-678949132476336120.post-76202835102547942902012-10-15T08:58:00.000-04:002012-10-15T08:58:47.149-04:00Full Disclosure: Unsolved Mysteries and Relationships<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So...this is what I'm reading this week. Obviously not one of my son's books. It's actually as close as I get to reading what could be termed a "love story". True, two individuals in the story fall in love by the end of the book but there is suspense and mystery and crimes to be solved by smart, detail-oriented individuals.<br />
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Over the years, I've learned something about myself - which is always good. One of the factors that draws me to a book is NOT the damsel in distress who is saved by a knight in shining armor. Life is not a fairy tale and I don't like the disillusionment of those story lines. This is a change because Cinderella was my favorite childhood story. So what happened? <br />
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I guess life happened. I grew up. I experienced the good, bad and ugly and through it have seen that great things can happen in the midst of circumstances that we wouldn't choose. This is what Dee Henderson delivers - and her female characters are strong. Actually both the men and women in her stories (at least the ones I've read) are strong in character and purpose. The fact that they find the one that makes them smile a bit broader is simply a bonus. <br />
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The other reason why I've enjoyed her books is I end up reflecting on the love of my life and how we met - our friendship that developed over time before we ever began to date. He is truly my best friend and my life is more enriched with him in it! I'm so thankful for the almost 19 years we've been wed and look forward to many more! <br />
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So...this is my "fun" reading this week. I've just begun chapter four and am enjoying the character development of Ann and Paul but more than that, my brain is trying to figure out the two cases that the FBI and local homicide detectives are working to solve. Mrs. Chttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08181119508133900608noreply@blogger.com0