Thursday, May 12, 2011

Love...more than a spoken word

The end of the school year is fast approaching and with it marks some big changes for Jeter...and it seems for me too.

He will officially be done with elementary school.  He will be 10 years old...double digits.

I am seeing other changes too. The desire for more independence is growing and he is figuring out how to balance this new season of his life.

He was okay with me not being present at the 4th grade meet and greet picnic but he wants me there for field day.  He said he's bummed that I haven't been able to be at any of the field trips this year but assures me that he's okay.  Some of these changes are by choice...others have been due to the fact that I had to alter my schedule because of the needs of my parents.  Some mornings I get a hug and kiss before school.  Others its just a hug.  Sometimes it's a "bye mom" with a signed "I love you".

This morning, for some reason, I wanted to make sure that he knew I loved him and gave him a kiss and said good-bye.  I got the "okay Mom, good-bye."  *sigh*

I'm working on finding the balance too.  I teeter between wanting to hug him forever - savoring every moment to cheering him on and encouraging him to walk freely on the path that God has for his life. It's as if my heart gushes and hurts all at the same time.

This is a pivotal time in our relationship.  We are establishing another layer of trust.  Another layer of friendship.  Another layer of respect.

I cannot hold on too tight and it's not time to completely let go.  I'm thinking that its like holding someone's hand comfortably.

There will be times that I just have to be Mommy - like it or lump it.  And there will be times when I will need to give him his space and not take it personally.  I just want him to know that he's matter what.

I sense that the choices that I make now will determine the strength of our future relationship.

This morning I might have 'held on' a little too tightly and my feelings felt singed by his response.  So what choice am I going to make?  I'm thinking tomorrow morning I'll give him a little more space - let him initiate and continue to keep in mind that we're finding our balance in this new season of growth.

Showing your love for someone is more than just a hug or a kiss.  It's more than the spoken phrase.  Actions.  Respect. Sometimes not saying anything at all.  My heart will probably continue to gush and hurt and my insides periodically feel like they're twisted in knots.  It is especially at these times that I'll remind myself Who is in control and will choose to trust Him and pray.

Recently Jeter noted "Mom, you pray about EVERYTHING!".  He's right.  I do.

1 comment:

  1. It is a delicate dance, changed and tweaked in each stage of our kids' lives. AND changed and tweaked to meet each individual's unique needs and wiring.... And my friend, it never gets easier. More familiar and more comfortable, but not easier. The end result is to have a lovely, bonded friendship with our adult children, like the one you are blessed to have with your folks. Getting there is the dance :)

    And my dance is changing - both boys have elected to head back to public school after two years of cyber schooling. Momma is gonna need some serious hugs in the fall :)